This article was part of Stargazer’s April 1, 2024 satire print issue. Satire serves as an ironic or sarcastic commentary to draw attention to current issues and events. While quite humorous, stylistically competent, and perhaps based on real events, the stories in this issue are false.
After working together for four years, North’s band directors Kevin Dobbeck and John Wojciechowski have declared that they are officially getting work married.
“We’ve both learned so much about our profession by working together; we make each other better educators and better people. We thought it was finally time, and the students have been really encouraging about it,” said Dobbeck.
Doing a job they both love, Dobbeck and Wojo have bonded immensely from their ability to teach ensemble music as well as big band music.
“It’s rare to work with someone who’s as caring and hardworking as Mr. Dobbeck is, and I’ve been more than happy to witness his growth as a high school band teacher,” said Wojo.
Leading to the proposal, Dobbeck had received a lot of pressure from family members adding stress to popping the big question.
“We’ve been working together for three years now, and everyone’s been on me about proposing,” said Dobbeck. “I’ve been waiting for the right moment, and I finally proposed to him with a saxophone; I thought it was a really personal and genuine way to begin this path of office-matrimony.”
While work marriages aren’t very common for two male band teachers, everyone knew it was meant to be.
Both teachers are hoping to receive gifts that, in the band’s opinion, are a little impractical.
“I really just want them to practice,” said Dobbeck. “To stop playing when I’m talking, check the key signature, count their rests… just the bare minimum would really be nice.”
The ceremony will take place in North’s auditorium, with the reception being in the Cafeteria. The Marching Band will play “Hey Baby” as Mr. Dobbeck walks down the aisle, until all three jazz bands combine to play Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable” in the background of the service.
“I know I’m going to have to try really hard not to cry so I won’t get my music wet,” said Jillianna Sandsten, junior clarinet player. “I can picture it already: Mr. Wojo will start crying as Mr. Dobbeck walks down the aisle and I’ll lose it.”
The pair has put an immense amount of planning into this wedding, along with receiving a lot of help from their actual wives. The soon-to-be work husbands are unsure of where they will go for their honeymoon, but they know wherever they go they’ll be happy as long as they’re together.
“We were thinking maybe the pool, down in the athletic wing,” said Wojo. “We’ve never been, and we think it’s probably the most tropical option.”
The entire school is excited for the work wedding, but also elated that the two were able to find each other. We hope you all will congratulate the two, as no one is as excited as they are.
