Is it possible to miss something you never had? How do you know when you’re behind? Most importantly, how do I compare myself to others in a way that doesn’t leave me unsatisfied?
High school has been a metamorphosis. Each day, questions like those and every other under the sun would plague me: a different me every single year. Looking to the past is like scouting a timeline of emotions, some good, some bad and some I’ll never forget for one reason or another. Each of them have shaped me, painting me into the person I am now. Sometimes I feel like a kaleidoscope, different or shifting every time I check in on myself. Over my years at North, the layers within it have changed so much that I barely recognize that girl from freshman year.
Though that first year didn’t yield much online, sophomore year brought creative writing and theater into my life, now passions I will be carrying through college. It introduced me to the ability to explore my interests without judgment, allowing me to contribute to spaces that would enrich me and teach me more than I could have asked for. That beginning was always hard, knowing I was the most inexperienced or the least involved; while I haven’t gotten rid of that feeling, I have become more used to it. Involving myself was the best thing I could have done- and I only wish I’d done more of it. This year has brought leadership in both the creative writing club and North’s theater, but, for the first time, my involvement in Stargazer. I’ve always been a creative writer, so the club interested me long before I joined: something I should have acted on sooner. September brought my first piece, and May brings my fifteenth. I think this year might have been the fastest one yet.
Now, facing the rest of my life, I reflect on everything I’ve learned this year. I feel like I discovered a part of myself that I needed much sooner than I found it, but as a result have pushed myself just that much harder to take advantage of it. Irregular as it may have been in the beginning, high school has been everything I needed it to be: I explored myself, I found my people, I’ve laughed, cried, and learned to move forwards, no matter what. I was good enough, no matter what.
As everything begins to be “my last..,” it’s bittersweet to think about just how much of an impact all of my clubs, and especially the Stargazer, have had on me in so little relative time. It’s incredible the impact you can leave on someone without ever knowing, as every editor and advisor will never know how meaningful their encouragement and critique both meant the world to me and pushed me to become a better writer and person as the year went on. I wish I had a little more time, but I know that the future only holds more for me.
