Coming into high school, I always considered myself a major pessimist: When I took a test, I expected the worst; when I talked to people, I assumed they felt annoyed by my blathering or lack thereof; and when I thought of building and involving myself in a community, I scoffed at the idea that I could find that anywhere. No matter what, I always seemed to see the negative outcome in everything, and even when I got a flyer for Stargazer in my English class, I still thought, “Well, I’ll give it a shot, but I don’t think it’s gonna be for me.” Needless to say, that was the understatement of the century.
I started off shy; in fact, despite showing up to almost every meeting, I only wrote three articles total my freshman year, and I co-wrote every single one with at least one other person.
The following school year, though, my older brother became an editor, and since he was my ride home, I found myself stuck at the editor’s meetings, which took place after the full-staff meetings ended. Eventually, the advisers — who noticed my increased interest as I sat there — offered me the vacant news editor position on the already small editorial board, and the rest is history.
So funnily enough, if I never got trapped after school at the editor’s meetings, I may never have found my passion for journalism. Sure, I knew I enjoyed writing for a long time, but conducting interviews and leading other people? I never saw that as my cup of tea.
Even with my reluctance, Stargazer exceeded my expectations in every way: I made many new friends who I built strong bonds of trust with, I gained amazing opportunities to hear from professional journalists and I found a sense of purpose in my time at North by providing accessible information about both local and large-scale happenings to my peers, teachers and community members. Sometimes I felt incredibly nervous, especially when it came time for me to interview someone, but the thought that I could help even just a few people understand more information on a particular event drove me to keep going, and after every interview, it gradually felt at least a little easier to talk to strangers.
Stargazer also led me to find my passion in movies and TV. Although I am pursuing environmental science and natural resources in college, I love watching my shows and movies, and I constantly look at the cinematography, writing, score and soundtrack, costume design and much more to determine how I actually feel about what I just watched on a deeper level. By writing reviews and receiving feedback on them, Stargazer taught me how to consume media in this nuanced, articulate way, which continues to stick with me whenever I turn on a first-time watch or an old favorite in the evening.
Every Monday, I found myself in a space where I felt comfortable enough to try new things, and this school year I did my best to also provide that for the other Stargazer staff and editors. I understand the dreadful feeling that comes with assuming the worst so often, and admittedly, I still feel it a lot; however, I now hold the skills and willpower necessary to not let my anxieties debilitate me from taking the amazing opportunities Stargazer provided me with, like competing at state or talking to local politicians about their campaigns.
So as I find myself passing on the role of editor in chief and leaving North for good, I came to a sudden realization: I was so convinced I was a full-blown pessimist my whole life, but deep down, I always expected the best from Stargazer — whether it be in our coverage of certain topics or our ability to stack up to schools with better-equipped journalism programs than us. I wished and tried for the best and believed in our staff, and we did a damn good job at delivering.
In the end of my time here, I think I discovered I am truly an optimist at heart, and I hope anyone else who wants to join or is already in Stargazer can find that confidence within themselves and others, too.
