The Student News Site of St. Charles North High School


The Student News Site of St. Charles North High School


The Student News Site of St. Charles North High School


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[SATIRE] Students suddenly gain superpowers

Japan is a country in East Asia.
Tyler Moore
Japan is a country in East Asia.

This article was part of Stargazer’s April 1, 2024 satire print issue. Satire serves as an ironic or sarcastic commentary to draw attention to current issues and events. While quite humorous, stylistically competent, and perhaps based on real events, the stories in this issue are false.

In August 2023, mold was discovered in the mobile units at St. Charles North High School. After a week of schooling, the mobiles shut down. However, students continued to hang out around the mobiles and enter them, despite warnings by the school. In a shocking discovery by Dr. Fungus, North students are experiencing many interesting side effects.

Mold-affected students now walk at the speed that the average student runs to their car. (Max Fang)

Teachers have noticed that students seem to miraculously disappear when asked a question or as tests are handed out. “It has become a major issue on the campus,” said a concerned biology teacher. “Students are gaining superhuman powers and we can’t figure out why.” 

Other notable effects include super speed, the ability to fly, and a sudden urge to run around the hallways singing opera music. 

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“My friends are worried, but I think the mold is great! I can get to my classes in record time” said Sue Perman.

SAT scores for students exposed to mold rose an astounding 0.1 points. (Max Fang)

Interestingly, the speed of students running to their car at 2:29 has increased; potentially related to some of the side effects of the mold.

Yet some students still seem unamused by the newfound side effects, with one stating that it “just seems kinda gross, I dunno,” while another student just hopes that it doesn’t interfere with their upcoming sleeping team competition.

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About the Contributors
James Bryner, Staff Writer
James is a staff writer for the Stargazer. He is a freshman and this is his first year on staff.
Tyler Moore
Tyler Moore, Editor In Chief
Tyler Moore is the editor-in-chief for the Stargazer. He is a senior at North, and this is his third year on the staff. Tyler engages in student journalism because it helps him engage in events at North and talk to new people.
Max Fang
Max Fang, Video News Editor
Max is a senior, and this is his second year on staff. This year Max is serving as our Video News Editor. Max engages in student journalism because it keeps him connected with what's going on at North and allows him to pursue a passion for video making.

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