This article was part of Stargazer’s April 1, 2024 satire print issue. Satire serves as an ironic or sarcastic commentary to draw attention to current issues and events. While quite humorous, stylistically competent, and perhaps based on real events, the stories in this issue are false.
Whether it be flared leggings or maxi skirts, Gen Z is constantly trying out new fashion trends that sweep the nation. However, certain fads — anything from corsets to bell bottoms — show a heightened nostalgia amongst youths for a time decades ago, even centuries past. Considering that hip styles continue reaching further back, it’s no surprise that Shakespeare-esque neck ruffs have become the next “big thing” at North.
According to Fashion History Timeline, the ruff is a type of pleated fabric collar that wraps around the neck; starched and wired to form its shape and color, the Elizabethan staple appeared in the fashion scene around late 16th-century Europe. Men and women alike wore the frilly garments, particularly — but not limited to — Puritans.
North students began adorning themselves with the old accessory exactly five hours ago, many unaware as to who wore it first: Douglas Foster, wellness teacher. Ruffs swiftly blew up for being “vintage” and “retro” fashion staples.
“They’re just so in vogue,” said an anonymous sophomore and ruff-enthusiast. “Everyone needs one. They give off such an antique-medieval sort of vibe, you know? I feel like a little poet, an academic weapon even.”
Considering that 117% of North students began wearing ruffs, the issue emerged of how to keep up with the booming demand. Those without immediate access to ruffs found creative methods to make their own.
“I just DIYed mine with one of my scarves,” said Tim Greco, senior. “But I’ve also seen some made out of towels, rags, cut up tutus, pretty much anything. There was this one dude with some old homework or something crumbled around his neck. I think he straight up stuck it there using tape and staples. It’s crazy.”
English teachers at North noticed a major surge amongst students interested in literature. In a survey conducted 31 minutes ago, 88% of students said they highly enjoy reading and writing poetry. Of those students, 97% read Shakespeare regularly during their free time, and 96.4% of them attribute it to the ruff craze.
“All these neck ruffs are actually doing a whole lot of good,” said an English teacher. “I’ve never seen the kids so interested in classic books before. They’ll only read the books if the cover is pretty, but we still appreciate the effort!”
North’s trend forecasters predict ruffs will officially die out on April 5 at exactly 3:04 a.m.
