Hannah Rodriguez

Look out, world! The Owala craze has already ended, and the most trend-savvy teens have moved on to fire hydrants as their preferred method of hydration.

“They’re just so much better than Owalas,” said Anita P, who asked for her last name to be withheld. “I can’t recommend them enough.”

Thanks to several viral TikToks, each gathering millions upon millions of views, fire hydrants have become massively popular, in part due to influencer Wanda Bottle, a sophomore at North, and her persistent posting.

“As soon as I saw someone use it [a fire hydrant], I was like, ‘this needs to be a trend,”’ she said. “It’s just so aesthetic and the colors are so pretty and it’s just overall such a pretty, convenient way to make sure you stay hydrated even when you’re on the go.”

Those who have made the switch from ordinary, less-than-50oz hydration options to the more-than-150 lb fire hydrants cite the massive carrying capacity, cute colors and ability to spray directly into the mouth at a very high speed as some of the main motivations to switch.

“Thanks to [the fire hydrants], I find that I am much more hydrated. Plus, the spray feature is really effective if you’re pressed for time and want to drink lots of water,” said Hyde Dration. “Last year, I didn’t have any time at all to drink water, between track and homework and my job at Walmart. But thanks to my fire hydrant, I can still drink the water I need quickly and effectively.”

However, teachers find themselves thoroughly disturbed whenever students turn on their hydrants and begin spraying water into their mouths.

“It’s just so distracting,” said Anne Noying, a social studies teacher. “One minute you’re explaining why looking at 19th-century Germany will help explain World War II, and the next thing you know, five students are guzzling water like they are possessed.”

However, Anita and Dration still hold firm to this new trend, quivering arms shaking as they try to keep their hydrants in their protective grip. Both swear up and down that this new trend will stay, and that despite the complaints from the teachers and the janitors about the mess they have made, it will still continue.

“Nobody will ever take my hydrant away from me,” said Dration. “It will never di—wait, sippy cups are trending now. I wonder if I can ask my mom if she can use my college fund to get me one.”

Shortly after this interview, Dration dropped his hydrant in his haste to get the next new water bottle trend, resulting in it exploding and, ironically, the fire alarm going off.